For some various holidays can bring up some very different feelings. We can joyful and celebrate or many times we can feel sorrow or grief as we may be missing someone to celebrate the holiday with.
For me, Father’s Day used to be particularly difficult. Not because my dad has passed, but because for the very short time he was in my life he was very abusive to my mother. I grew up searching for a father figure and was always disappointed. I rarely saw what an example of what a good father looked like.
As I moved through life without my father, I became increasing angry of his absence. When I started my healing journey and the part about forgiveness came up and he was the most difficult to forgive. At that time, forgiveness felt to me like saying, “that’s okay you did that”. If felt like just letting him off the hook. Why should I have to forgive HIM!?!
One day while watching Oprah’s show, she stated a new definition of forgiveness that changed my life, “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope the past could have been any different”. WHAT? I could let go, I could forgive in this way, it felt good to me. I also started feeling compassion for him, wondering about his childhood and what must have happened to him in order for him to become the monster he was.
My heart started opening and expanding in so many ways. Several physical health issues started to heal, and my weight started shifting too. You see, forgiveness changes so many things in your life and it gives YOU your power back. It helps move your energy from victim to survivor.
I now see the many loving fathers and honor them as they deserve. I am grateful for my husband, who is an amazing loving father and a great teacher for me.
Kelly Clarkson recently released this song and it brought such tears as it totally reminded me of my journey.
If you are grieving the loss of someone this holiday, try to incorporate their spirit into a new tradition so you feel them with you. Seven years ago, I lost someone dear to me to suicide and his three boys miss him every Father’s Day. The grief never goes away, it may get a bit lighter, however, there will be times and incidents that bring the flood right back to you. Honor the tears, and talked to your loved one, you are not alone and they are always listening.
To all those healing or grieving, I send you love and healing energy.
To all the wonderful father’s out there and to my mother and the many other single mothers who pull double duty, I am wishing you a beautiful Father’s Day.